Saw 3D (film)

In eye-popping 3D!

"Saw 3D" (2010)

Length: 90 mins
Release date: 29 October 2010 (Canada)
Genre: Crime/Horror/Mystery/Thriller
Director: Kevin Greutert
Writer(s): Patrick Melton, Marcus Dunstan
MPAA Rating: Rated R for sequences of grisly bloody violence and torture, and language.
Starring: Tobin Bell, Costas Mandylor, Betsy Russell, Cary Elwes

 *SPOILERS AHEAD! BEWARE!*

This movie was horrifically shitty as far as premise and plot goes. Sequels are usually substantially low in substance value, so it's no big surprise that Saw 3D (aka Saw 7) lacks in intrigue, decent casting and furthermore, depth. THERE IS NO DEPTH. Just gore, blood, guts, brains, sinew, flesh, skin, muscle, tissue, tears, and a LOT of screaming. I have my PC set up through my hi-fi surround system as an auxiliary output, so I have very good sound for watching movies. All I heard throughout the entire movie was "AAAHHHH!!! AHHHADKLJABDABDLADKBJ!!!! RRRAHHHHHH HELP ME OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD"

Not the greatest sounds of all time, by any means.

Now, the only thing I have to give this movie credit for was its' special effects. There are at least 10 spots in Saw 3D where human beings get ripped to shreds by some sort of device or trap. 

In one scene, an allegedly-racist man awoke inside of his Monte Carlo, parked in a warehouse-type building, only to discover that his entire bare back had been glued to his seat. Two of his friends and his girlfriend are also positioned in deadly ways throughout the hangar, with the girlfriend placed underneath the Monte Carlo's front-left tire, which is spinning dramatically inches above her face (the car is hoisted up on jacks, and rigged to drop at the end of a 30-second timer positioned on the hood of the car just past the windshield). The glued man must rip himself free of the seat in time to hit a button/lever or whatever to stop the car from revving, which if he fails, will kill himself and all of his friends. It is yet another gruesome test of pain endurance, in which the neo-nazi dude fails at by a mere second or two, only after slowly tearing every inch of the skin off his back (gross, yet mildly fake-looking). His other two friends are positioned in front and behind the car, and when the Monte Carlo man fails at the 30-second mark, the car drops from its jacks and crushes his girlfriend's head while spinning her brains and skull-pulp backwards. The car then takes off at full-speed, with the back bumper attached by a chain to the friend of his behind the Monte Carlo. It rips his friend's arms and lower-half of his face completely off with a sickening slushy sound as the torn-off body parts slap the concrete hangar floor. Nanoseconds later, the Monte Carlo plows through Friend #2, obliterating his body into pieces whilst crashing through the warehouse wall to the outside, before the vehicle finally crashes into something out in the junk lot, causing the racist driver to crash though his own windshield, through the air, and smash through another windshield, killing him instantly. PHEW - hard to explain, that was. Don't believe I'll try that again.

Anyways, the Saw series should have been deaded at Saw 3 or 4, no pun intended. It's every bit as cheesy and predictable as the Final Destination series: made for unimaginative, mindless-violence seeking teens, marketed for the useless, by the useless. I do not recommend watching this flick - you are better off YouTube'ing the gory scenes for a condensed viewing, it's basically the same thing in the end. Go spend an hour-and-a-half and your $5 renting something better to see, because this movie effing sucks.

My rating: